Filtered to Ben
Jul. 19th, 2010 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hereprophetslieThe day before everything went to shit, you said this to me when I asked about what to do for Peter because he saved my life. You said:
I also, unfortunately, have no right words to give you here, not even in the slightest. For every other situation in life I had a vague guide. For puberty, for bullies, for love, for all those things I felt I could play the father and protect you as well as it was possible. I could guide and love you and be safe in the knowledge that, in the end, all would be well. I don't have that knowledge any more and it scares the shit out of me.
That's how I feel now. I have no words. No understanding of how to deal with this. I have no coping skills for my father betraying me and it scares me.
I don't know what to do.
I also, unfortunately, have no right words to give you here, not even in the slightest. For every other situation in life I had a vague guide. For puberty, for bullies, for love, for all those things I felt I could play the father and protect you as well as it was possible. I could guide and love you and be safe in the knowledge that, in the end, all would be well. I don't have that knowledge any more and it scares the shit out of me.
That's how I feel now. I have no words. No understanding of how to deal with this. I have no coping skills for my father betraying me and it scares me.
I don't know what to do.
