Filtered to Ben

[hereprophetslie]

I'm sorry I disappeared this morning. I didn't tell you, but Neil was hurt and I wanted to be at the hospital with Daria. It wasn't me having a last minute change-of-heart, or deciding I'd made a mistake or something. I'm sorry if you freaked out. I'm at the hospital now if you do want to come, but we're okay here.

I think, now that I'm...you know...in a listening place...I'd like to understand what happened back then. Just sometime. I think it would help.

And for the record, I didn't not call Peter last night because he's in hospital. I know he would have left to come get me if I had asked him to. I called you because you were the only person I wanted to see. Thanks again for coming to get me without hesitating for a second, even though I have been an unbelievable little shit.

Comments

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you came. It meant a lot to have you here. And when you're ready to listen I'll be ready to talk, to you and Andy. I screwed things up and I'm glad you're going to give me a second chance.

And I'm sorry everything is a bit rubbish right now.

[hereprophetslie.livejournal.com]

It meant a lot to be there, Dad. I'm not really ready to come back all the time, but we'll work it out, okay?? I love you, Dad. I love you very much.

Yeah. Rubbish. God, I have so much to tell you... Argh.

Did you freak out this morning? Should I have left a note?

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

I love you too. I'm a little inarticulate tonight but know that, basically, you mean the world to me.

I was only little freaked. I wasn't worried that you'd been kidnapped, just that you couldn't be here. I was sad but now I see it wasn't a rejection. I'm very glad.

[hereprophetslie.livejournal.com]

Inarticulate? You? Dad, did you drink?

Not a rejection. Not at all. No more of those. I'm so sorry, Dad. I really hate that you've been in pain. I have been too, but I still hate it.

I want to help Daria more with the girls and I feel a bit...overwhelmed by it all, and there's lots of stuff and it's scary bit I love her.

...I'm inarticulate tonight too.

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

Not since yesterday?

We've both been hurting, but it will get better. You tell Daria I'm thinking of her and the twins as well, would you?

[hereprophetslie.livejournal.com]

Oh, Dad...

Of course I will. She'll be glad to hear that.

And maybe...uhm...sometime soon you can like...tell me how to be a dad-like thing person... Heh.

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

Tell you how to be a dad-like thing person? Oh boy, now there's a difficult question. Mostly it's a lot of trial and a hell of a lot of error. Luckily people start as babies so the biggest screw ups they'll never remember you making. You've still got a few years there with the Daria's girls before they start realising how much you can mess things up, and even then they'll still barely notice until they're teenagers. Then all bets are off.

In the end it all comes down to just loving them and just making sure they know that.

[hereprophetslie.livejournal.com]

Teenagers.

....holy shit.

Holy shit, Dad.

No no. I'm in hospital waiting and I should not currently be realising that one day I could be the step-father to teenagers oh Jesus.

And I have to go try to convince Mum not to hate Daria.

You know what though? I do love them. Which kind of scares me, because they're not my children, but I love them a lot. I didn't realise I would, but I do.

[thatoldgeek.livejournal.com]

Then you're off to a brilliant start. Embarrass the hell out of them with it. Better they have to peel you off them in public and whine and moan than ever think you don't care about them.

I can't wait to see you have to deal with teenagers. I'm going to laugh.

[hereprophetslie.livejournal.com]

...how many times can I say 'oh, Dad...' in this conversation? Geez. I hate that you...that your dad was...blah, you know what, you're a real person, not a symbol, and it's weird.

(and you're mean!)